TRUMP DECLARES MARTIAL LAW TO COMBAT JUGGALO TERRORIST GATHERING

It’s almost time for fans of “the most hated band in the world,” Insane Clown Posse, to arrive in Washington, D.C. for their scheduled march to protest being designated a “hybrid gang” by the FBI back in 2011. These fans, called Juggalos, are coming from all over the United States to do drugs, have promiscuous sex, and show their hatred of God and Country. No one can fully anticipate what the upcoming Juggalo March on Washington is going to look like, but most agree that it will be one of the most dangerous, disgusting displays since last years D.C. Kid Rock concert.

President Trump has taken proactive steps to ensure public safety by declaring a city wide state of martial law in Washington and calling for local law enforcement to use “any appropriate force” to quell any Juggalo violence.

“I’ve seen what these Juggalo terrorists can do”, Trump said Thursday while surveying hurricane damage to his Mara Lago golf course in Florida, “at these Juggalo festivals they rape small children, smoke drugs, sacrifice animals to Satan. And I’m sure, some of these Juggalos are good people, we just can’t take any chances. They need to be locked up until we can find out what’s going on. Have you watched the new season of American Horror Story? It’s all about evil Juggalo clowns. They are nuts. Good show. You should watch it.”

With the march fast approaching, social media is buzzing with curiosity. This is in part due to the announcement that an alt-right gathering calling itself the “Mother Of All Rallies” will also be taking place in the same area of the National Mall. Both the media and the public are fervently asking about how Juggalos will respond, considering ICP’s attitude toward conservative White Christians.

“Stuttering Ray” Blowchunks (real name unknown), one of the march’s organizers and founder of radical Juggalo offshoot group, “The Juggalos For Allah”, released a statement claiming the fact the Juggalo march and the Alt-Right festival should see no conflicts.

“Yo them Nazis be cool with us”, Blowchunks wrote, “Some of them Nazis hoes be hot and got big fat white titties. We be all inclusive and sh*t. We got Faygo and big buds for everybody.”

The Juggalos for Allah made headlines in 2015 when they sued the F.B.I. for “mental duress and torture” during anti-terrorist interrogations. Beaurau agents allegedly tried to confuse Juggalos by placing them in a round room and telling them to urinate in the corner.

While some have suggested that the Juggalo March is tied to protesting Trump, the gang designation came about under Obama – and the Juggalo March was scheduled last year, before a Trump presidency even seemed possible. Most believe, however, the Juggalos are too stupid to have any type of political agenda and are just using this as an excuse to have a big drug party.

Washington D.C. Police will be patrolling all weekend and making arrests of any Juggalos attempting to disrupt the Pro-Trump Alt-Right Christians.

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