TRUMP CALLS FOR PRAYER ON 9/11 ANNIVERSARY

ARLINGTON, Va. – Leading his first commemoration of the solemn 9/11 anniversary, President Donald Trump said Monday that “the living, breathing soul of America wept with grief” for each of the nearly 3,000 lives that were lost on that day 16 years ago.
Addressing an audience at the Pentagon, one of three sites attacked on Sept. 11, 2001, Trump used the anniversary to warn terrorists that “America cannot be intimidated.” He said those who try are destined to join “the long list of vanquished enemies who dared to test our mettle.”
Trump and first lady Melania Trump observed a moment of silence at the White House on Monday at the exact moment that a hijacked airplane was slammed into the World Trade Center. The Trumps bowed their heads and placed their hands over their hearts as “Taps” rang out across the South Lawn. They were surrounded by White House aides and other administration officials in what has become an annual day of remembrance.
Nearly 3,000 people were killed when al-Qaida hijackers flew commercial airplanes into New York’s World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. President Trump called the attacks, “A darn shame.” #NeverForget

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Trump places Joe Arpaio as chief of border patrol

In a move that is sure to anger the liberals, our president has made the perfect choice for chief of border patrol. He has chosen none other than the great, perhaps greatest, sheriff Joe Arpaio as chief of border patrol for the United States. If anyone can secure our borders it is Sheriff Joe. The toughest sheriff in America.
In recent months Americas toughest sheriff was taken into custody by liberal judges who have no respect for the Constitution. They only did so because he refused to adopt their weak stance on illegals. But that was no problem for our president as he quickly and without the slightest hesitation pardoned the good sheriff and saved him for the wrath of leftist thug judges trying to take over our great nation.

From profiling to pink uniforms, to leaving them to sleep in sweltering heat (Mexicans are used to the heat you crybaby liberals) Joe has proven he knows how to deal with even the most hardened of illegal Mexicans. He’s dealt with the cartels and the masses of illegals flooding the borders like a TRUE American.
We here at FOX and conservatives across these United States can breath a sigh of relief now that we have a REAL American lawman leading the fight to stop the hoards of unwashed Mexicans from coming here to destroy our way of life.
Americas greatest president and greatest sheriff working together to MAGA. What a great time to be American.

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JOEL OLSTEEN SPEAKS TO JESUS ABOUT HURRICANE HARVEY

Texas was hit recently by Hurricane Harvey resulting in unprecedented flooding across Americas greatest state. Many Churches opened their doors to shelter the wet and weary souls who sought refuge from the rising waters. We’re told here at FOX that even a few Mosques opened their doors. But we haven’t confirmed that so, consider it liberal hearsay.
But one church, the biggest in Texas, kept doors closed lights off and left the people outside. This caused a big stir among the liberal left. Twitter exploded with false indignation from the liberals, fake news syndicates and Hollywood elites. Negative Memes made about the beloved pastor were handed out like candy as the liberals gleefully celebrated what they think is a victory, Apparently hoping the great state of Texas and Joel Osteen will vanish in the flood waters.

Well, we contacted the good pastor to get his take on the situation and he gave us a statement he would like us to share with you.

Joel : “Hello FOX news and thank you for letting me use your righteous network to spread my words across the great state of Texas. If any words are needed right now, they are the words of a pastor close to Jesus. And I am blessed to be that man. As I watched the rain fall and saw people come banging on my doors, demanding entry, I fell into deep prayer. I was confused as I know my flock would be out there helping people and would not need assistance due to the strength of Jesus I’ve placed in their hearts. I was reminded of Moses and the waters that cleansed the earth and it was then that Jesus spoke to me. He told me those people outside were not part of my flock or even good Christians. He reminded me that the flood waters are there to cleanse and that new beginnings can only come from struggle and sacrifice. That’s when my humble heart finally understood.

Those people down there, banging on my doors for admittance were The Gays. I dropped to my knees and took Jesus into me. I thanked Jesus eagerly. I was so enraptured in my subservience that I found myself making small moaning noises. So happy to serve Jesus there, on my knees, like a good christian. I had almost let The Gays into the house of the lord. But the strong hand of Jesus resting on my head was stronger than my weak heart. So you see, by keeping my doors closed I was doing the lords work as Jesus cleanses the great state of Texas of the gays, lesbians and their sinful community.

All I can say is, Praise Jesus. And I will open the doors to my church the moment the Gays are all gone. Just as Jesus wants. Tickets start at $70 but the more you spend the closer you can be to the stage, Jesus, and myself. And always remember that sacrifice now will lead to great rewards in heaven.
Bless you all and I’ll see you when the water go down and The Gays are cleansed from the earth.”

We here at FOX are stunned by the revelation and thank Joel Osteen for standing strong in the face of adversity and showing us the true meaning of Christ and his recent need to flood Texas. Of course the liberal elite would love to see The Gays enter Joels church so they can desecrate that holy institution. Of course they would like to mock good Christians like Joel for letting them in against Jesus wishes. We should all get on our knees and take Jesus into us so we can serve him properly like the beloved pastor Joel Osteen.
Keep vigilant America. The Gays and the liberals and ANTIFA and the BLM are all trying to trick us into letting THEM in instead of Jesus.

Joel was right. Don’t let them in!

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JESUS PULLS ALL-NIGHTER ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Jesus H. Christ, our Lord and Savior, found his inbox swamped with Thoughts and Prayers (T&P?) yesterday in the wake of flooding due to #HurricaneHarvey. He has been sharply focused on his laptop since then.

In an exclusive interview, Christ described the deluge of
(T&P?) on all platforms – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat – an order of magnitude almost as large as the Category 1 storm itself.

“This is huge, even for Me,” said Christ, who is routinely on the receiving end of (T&P?) from all over the USA for matters large and small. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Some people even actually went to Church and lit candles. Nobody does that anymore.”

Asked if He has enlisted the help of clergy members and lay volunteers, the Son of God said, with exasperation, “I haven’t had a spare minute. I can’t even look up from my screen. Besides, humans need to eat and go to the bathroom from time to time. That’s no help to Me.”

When questioned if He sees any relief in sight, Jesus quipped, “Perhaps a terror attack in Western Europe will distract them. Until then, I’m here.”

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