TRUMP NAMES NEW HEAD OF NASA

President Donald Trump has made yet another brilliant move by naming a noted space expert to be the head of The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).

Trump announced Sunday, from his private high-level conference center and strip club in West Palm Beach Florida. His nominee will be noted space historian Giorgio Tsoukalous, host of the cable history show, Ancient Aliens.

“I really, really like Georgie,” Trump said, he really knows his stuff. He knows all about space and pyramids and all that Area 51 business. You know I called Area 51 and asked the head guy, ‘Hey, I’m in charge now. You have to tell me where all those crashed flying saucers are hidden. He laughed and hung up on me,very unfair! When I get back to the White House in a couple of months he’s fired.”

Tsoukalos is a 1998 graduate of Ithaca College in Ithaca, New York, with a bachelor’s degree in sports information and communication. For several years he worked as a bodybuilding promoter and a volunteer in IFBB sanctioned bodybuilding contests, including Mr. Alien Olympia. He produced and directed the annual San Francisco Pro Grand Prix in years 2001-2005

In a telephone interview, Tsoukalos told Fox news he was very excited to be working with the new administration and would use the same level of scrutiny and hard science that had been the hallmark of his television series.

“There’s lots of mysteries I can help the president solve.”,Tsoukalos said, “I know there are many, many things that the President doesn’t understand about the economy, and health care, and how magnets work, and I know the explanation, Aliens.”

Tsoukalos is a proponent of the idea that ancient alien astronauts interacted with ancient humans. He believes this could explain the strange appearance of the President’s son Barron.

Confirmation hearings are set to begin next week and Senator Mitch McConnell promises swift action as he has just bought a new rubber stamp to approve anything the President wants done.

NASA officials had no comment.

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TRUMP INSTITUTES NEW HEALTH GUIDELINES FOR FEMALE FEDERAL EMPLOYEES

In his flurry of first-week executive orders designed to make America great again, President Trump started off week 2 with an initiate to help federal employees get healthy.

Female employees of the Federal Government will be asked to conform to new standards that dictates they stay under a 180-pound limit in order to stay on the Federal Employee health Insurance Plan.

Obese females working for the government will have 180 days to meet the new weight requirement or will be asked to join a new network of Federal Reeducation camps to be overseen by Vice President Mike Pence.

The Executive order met with stiff resistance from Democrats who see the order as misogynistic since it does not include males and a violation of the employees civil rights.

Presidential council Kelly Ann Conway dismissed the claims as bogus and said the new guidelines will empower women to take charge of their own health care needs.

“Women need and want to be thin,” Conway told Fox News, “all we are saying is if you want for the American people to pay for your healthcare, don’t be a big fat pig. It’s a well known fact that men handle obesity much better than girls do so that’s why we didn’t include them.”

Steve Bannon, White House Secretary of Truth also weighed in on the controversy, “Look, all these guys work hard in their government jobs. Why should they have to come into work every day looking at all these fat broads trying to squeeze into dresses two sizes too small for them. it’s good for morale to have babes to look at all day. Makes for happier workers and all.”

The White House said the new guidelines are in compliance with Center for Disease Control figures that set proper weight guidelines for females. The CDC declined to comment and claimed they had no idea what The President is talking about.

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MEMORIES OF THE INAUGURATION

Citizens sharing their memories of the inauguration of President Trump.
Here we see Kelly Anne Conway meeting with her stylist, Philip Ajarapu, during the inauguration. Meet the man who dresses Kelly Anne Conway. Americas first straight designer. He’s also color blind.
A graduate of the school of automotive oil changing, this bright new star of American fashion has over combed many obstacles.
His other hobbies include hand painting nut crackers and crafting wigs out of cat hair for the Republican Hair Club For Men.
What are you memories of this historic day. The Trump administration estimates that over 100 million people attended the parade and ceremony at the White House. Were you one of them? join us all this week as we remember one of the happiest days in American history with our new all male cast of anchors. Don’t miss a minute this week on Fox News

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