President Trump proposed a bold new plan to save American taxpayers money and further drain the Washington swamp.

At a Saturday Homeland Security meeting and buffet, Trump proposed a plan where he would issue firearms to qualified White House staff to double as security in addition to their usual White House duties. Trump also indicated he would be willing to carry a gun and take firearms safety training himself.

“I have a lot of great talented people,” Trump said,”the best people, who own guns and really really want to help out around here. You have a lot of bad hombres trying to get in here and I think, I really believe, if they knew my two sons, who are, by the way, very experienced in killing large animals, were in here and armed they would think twice before messing with Trump.”

President Trump who never served in the military because of painful bone spurs also said he would be willing to carry “all the best guns” and submit to firearm safety courses and training. Trump said he already had facilities for the training at his Mar-A-Lago Country Club and could take the courses in between golf rounds.

When asked what would become of White House police and the Secret Service Trump indicated they would either be reassigned or laid off. Possibly to bolster security at Trump Tower in New York and some of his other properties.

Vice President Mike Pence has already applied for conscientious objector status

Fox News reached out to W.H. Chief of Staff John Kelly for clarification but Kelly declined to comment, shook his head, rubbed his chin and walked away. The Secret Service also declined to comment.


What do you think about NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch’s proposal to arm more members of poor communities
to prevent gun violence?

In a series of comments Thursday Loesch said that more guns on the streets would solve many of our nation’s problems including mass shootings in schools and the epidemic of police officers shooting unarmed Black teens in poor neighborhoods.

“These violent shooters see poor neighborhoods as soft targets,” Loesch told Fox News, “if we could just get more guns in the hands of young Black males these rogue police officers would think twice before they go in guns a blazing and shooting everybody.”

The NRA has proposed a plan that would give tax credits and subsidies from the U.S. Department of Education to provide teachers and poor minority youth with guns and firearms safety training.

President Trump said he was open to looking “at the possibility of giving concealed guns to gun adept teachers and minority youths with military or special training experience.” He added that if trained, teachers and young Black males could “immediately fire back if a savage sicko came to a school or pulled them over with bad intentions” and that they “would solve the problem instantly, before or as soon as police arrive.”

The February 14 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida sparked numerous teen-led protests in several cities across the US. Many of the student protesters and their parents have called on lawmakers who have received considerable campaign donations from the NRA to be voted out of office.


In a drastic divergence from his usual rhetoric, today President Trump was overheard by Fox News the FB Page White House insider sources speaking about the gun crisis and the possibility of the suspension of the Second Amendment.

It was unclear if this suspension would be considered temporary or permanent. It is said that his decision is heavily influenced by his daughter Ivanka, who has been rumored to have been pushing for nationwide firearm confiscations. We have learned that she has been put in charge of drafting an executive order to handle the matter.

At a speech today:

“No one knew guns would be so hard. We are leaving all options on the table, and Ivanka will be drafting up an order to put on my desk which I will take a look at. Look at my daughter Ivanka. Have you seen her body? Greatest body. One of the classics. I know she’ll do a great job.

“You know, people said we couldn’t beat Hillary. You know, he put out a memo – “You cannot do it.” We cannot let anyone into this country illegally. And radical groups all over the world. Four times more immigration, and they should not under a Trump Administration, and we could not have done a better job. So I don’t know, you tell me folks.”

“So you know we have beautiful women and I get to meet all of these people, folks. It’s all coming in. We have losers. We have a disaster. People are totally illegal and he’s failed us badly. And Hillary’s emails. I was way ahead of everybody. So will we take away the guns? We’ll see. We love the guns. We’ll see. This proves there is absolutely no collusion with Russia.”

More as it develops.


Thousands of Conservatives awoke this morning to find they had been locked out of their Twitter accounts. The purge of Alt-Right accounts, now dubbed by the hashtag #TwitterLockOut , has resulted in some large accounts losing millions of followers and sparked conservative outrage across the internet.

Twitter spokesperson, Pokina Das, denies this is an attempt to silence conservatives and claims this move was orchestrated to remove Russian trolling bots and “Alt-Right hate” from the popular social media platform.

“After the shooting in Florida, we just can’t take anymore,” Das told Fox News,” Most of these profiles are Russians trying to stir up trouble and the rest are probably smelly fat teenagers from 4-Chan. We don’t don’t want to censor anyone but we need to take out the trash and we just don’t have the time to figure out who is who.”

Free speech advocates are outraged by the move but Twitter claims they will reinstate some accounts if users will fill out a claim form, provide two types of picture I.D. and pay a $75 dollar reinstatement fee to have their accounts restored.

Pat Robertson, televangelist and conservative spokesperson, urged calm and offered an alternate explanation.

“We need to just calm down and wait and see what happens,” Robertson said,”It’s quite possible our Lord Jesus is behind this. These people are all good Christians and their accounts may have just been raptured.”

Thousands of outraged conservatives have threatened to delete their accounts but their cries have fallen on deaf ears.

“Let them go if that’s what they want,” an anonymous Twitter spokesman said, “we are just so tired of our platform being used for hate speech and it will save us the trouble of deleting them ourselves.”