TRUMP OFFERS DISASTER AID TO MEXICO IN EXCHANGE FOR PAYMENT ON BORDER WALL

President Trump has offered a comprehensive plan to aid Mexico after two devastating earthquakes as soon as they agree to pony up for his controversial proposed border wall.

The countries are locked in tense talks to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Deal, and Mexican public opinion of the U.S. has plummeted as President Trump has repeatedly criticized Mexico and vowed to make it pay for construction of the wall.

Tensions were absent this week as dozens of U.S. rescuers combed parts of Mexico City that were leveled by Tuesday’s deadly earthquake. The disaster response team, made up largely of firefighters from Southern California, has swarmed the sites of several collapsed buildings, using dogs and search cameras to hunt for signs of life.

Trump ordered the deployment of limited U.S. aid after he spoke to Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto by phone Wednesday, a day after the violent magnitude 7.1 temblor shook central Mexico. The earthquake brought down dozens of multistory buildings and killed at least 286 people across five states and the country’s densely packed capital.

Trump had drawn criticism for proposing a multi-billion dollar aid package for Mexico on the contingent that they pay for the border wall as ordered.

“The wall is happening. In fact, you probably saw, you know, we have a wall up there now, and the Mexicans are going to pay for it believe me. It’s being made a perfect see-through wall so we can see the drug dealers and the rapists coming a mile away. They will pay for it, believe me, if they want help from us, they will pay for it. There is an awful lot of children in Mexico that are going to be without tacos and burritos very soon if Mexico doesn’t play ball with us.” Trump said.

Democrats Say President Trump’s Border Wall Could Cost $67 Billion, minus the 2 billion Trump has earmarked for disaster relief, the Mexican government would still owe the U.S. 65 billion dollars. It is unclear whether aid would be provided before or after Mexico makes the first of its payments.

Doctor Ben Carson, U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development was asked for clarification on just how the U.S. would help rebuild Mexico’s failing infrastructure.

“Oh I feel for those poor Mexicans”, Carson told Fox News, “those earthquakes scare me. Jesus must be very angry with those Mexicans and Puerto Ricans for sending all those disasters down there. The other day i was walking to my car and a truck backfired. I thought one of those Mexican earthquakes was attacking America. I almost tinkled in my britches.”

The President will present the ID Package along with a plan for hurricane relief for Texas, Puerto Rico, and his Mar-a-Lago Golf Course in Florida.

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP MAKES U.N. SPEECH.

NEW YORK — Melania Trump gave her most expansive remarks as first lady Wednesday, condemning bullying and calling on world leaders to take their responsibility for guiding the next generation seriously.
Her speech, which lasted seven minutes, was devoid of clear policy prescriptions or a push for any specific program, though she said she plans to follow up with social media leaders and educators on the topic.

It came amid a busy week for Trump, who until recently has seemed reluctant to fully embrace the public platform of her new role. On Thursday, she visited hurricane-devastated Florida and hosted a reception for the White House Historical Association. On Friday, she visited a youth center at Andrews Air Force Base, and on Saturday she will make her first solo trip abroad as first lady to Toronto for the opening ceremony of the Invictus Games.

BOXING LEGEND JAKE LAMOTTA DIES AT 95

Boxing legend Jake LaMotta, the onetime middleweight champion of the world who was played by Al Pacino in 1980’s “Raging Bull,” died Tuesday, his fiancee told the Associated Press. He was 95.

LaMotta passed away in a Miami-area hospital from complications from marijuana induced pneumonia.

“I just want people to know, he was a great, sweet, sensitive, strong, compelling man with a great sense of humor, with eyes that danced,” his fiancee told Fox News.

De Niro told Fox News of LaMotta’s passing, “Rest in peace, champ.”

LaMotta’s agent also told Fox News, “Working for the champ for almost 20 years was an honor. Jake was funny and very sweet. It just broke my heart when he got hooked on the Obamacare medical marijuana!”

The International Boxing of Fame, who inducted LaMotta in 1990, revealed he began boxing at a young age when his father made him fight other neighborhood kids in The Bronx to entertain adults. His aggressive style earned him the nickname “The Bronx Bullet.”

The famous fighter retired in 1954 with 300 knockouts, 83 wins and 19 losses. He later started a company that sold hamburger grills.

LaMotta was married six times, most famously to Beverly “Vikki” Thailer. They wedded in 1946 when she was 16. The couple divorced in 1957 and she later appeared in a nude pictorial for Playboy at age 51. LaMotta joked, “She always complained she had nothing to wear. I never believed her until I saw her in Playboy.”

Both of their sons, Lenny and Squiggy, died in 1998. Vikki later passed away in 2005 at age 75.

In 2012, LaMotta became engaged to 62-year-old actress Denise Baker, who previously collaborated with him on a cabaret show.

The 1980 film “Raging Bull” was based on LaMotta’s memoir. Actor Al Pacino won an Academy Award for it.

TRUMP DECLARES MARTIAL LAW TO COMBAT JUGGALO TERRORIST GATHERING

It’s almost time for fans of “the most hated band in the world,” Insane Clown Posse, to arrive in Washington, D.C. for their scheduled march to protest being designated a “hybrid gang” by the FBI back in 2011. These fans, called Juggalos, are coming from all over the United States to do drugs, have promiscuous sex, and show their hatred of God and Country. No one can fully anticipate what the upcoming Juggalo March on Washington is going to look like, but most agree that it will be one of the most dangerous, disgusting displays since last years D.C. Kid Rock concert.

President Trump has taken proactive steps to ensure public safety by declaring a city wide state of martial law in Washington and calling for local law enforcement to use “any appropriate force” to quell any Juggalo violence.

“I’ve seen what these Juggalo terrorists can do”, Trump said Thursday while surveying hurricane damage to his Mara Lago golf course in Florida, “at these Juggalo festivals they rape small children, smoke drugs, sacrifice animals to Satan. And I’m sure, some of these Juggalos are good people, we just can’t take any chances. They need to be locked up until we can find out what’s going on. Have you watched the new season of American Horror Story? It’s all about evil Juggalo clowns. They are nuts. Good show. You should watch it.”

With the march fast approaching, social media is buzzing with curiosity. This is in part due to the announcement that an alt-right gathering calling itself the “Mother Of All Rallies” will also be taking place in the same area of the National Mall. Both the media and the public are fervently asking about how Juggalos will respond, considering ICP’s attitude toward conservative White Christians.

“Stuttering Ray” Blowchunks (real name unknown), one of the march’s organizers and founder of radical Juggalo offshoot group, “The Juggalos For Allah”, released a statement claiming the fact the Juggalo march and the Alt-Right festival should see no conflicts.

“Yo them Nazis be cool with us”, Blowchunks wrote, “Some of them Nazis hoes be hot and got big fat white titties. We be all inclusive and sh*t. We got Faygo and big buds for everybody.”

The Juggalos for Allah made headlines in 2015 when they sued the F.B.I. for “mental duress and torture” during anti-terrorist interrogations. Beaurau agents allegedly tried to confuse Juggalos by placing them in a round room and telling them to urinate in the corner.

While some have suggested that the Juggalo March is tied to protesting Trump, the gang designation came about under Obama – and the Juggalo March was scheduled last year, before a Trump presidency even seemed possible. Most believe, however, the Juggalos are too stupid to have any type of political agenda and are just using this as an excuse to have a big drug party.

Washington D.C. Police will be patrolling all weekend and making arrests of any Juggalos attempting to disrupt the Pro-Trump Alt-Right Christians.