TRUMP ORDERS GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS TO BE CANCELED

President Trump has signed an executive order canceling a popular hip hop music festival.

The Gathering of the Juggalos (The Gathering or GOTJ) is an annual festival put on by the hip hop group Insane Clown Posse, featuring performances by ICP as well as numerous well-known musical groups and other lesser known washed up 90’s White funk and heavy metal bands.

In recent years the festival has been primarily attended by ICP fans known as “Juggalos” who are suspected by the FBI to be an anti-American terrorist gang.

In 2016 officials in the Obama administration identified a known Muslim terrorist group to frequent the festival known as The Juggalos for Allah.

Juggalos For Allah members are suspected in several terrorist attacks including a failed attempt on a Minnesota Congressman that resulted in two Juggalos burning their lips on the tail pipe of the congressman’s car when they were allegedly trying to blow it up.

White House Communication Director Anthony Scaramucci announced the cancellation Friday and said this is another in a series of steps to rid America of the Juggalo terrorist scourge and make America great again.

“I can tell you for a fact, “Scaramucci told Fox News, “I President Trump said the Juggalos are terrorists they are. President Trump has great terrorist instincts and is the best man in the World to watch these Juggalo people. He has the most wonderful political savvy I have ever seen and is a great, great man. When I talk to President Trump I feel as if I have been talking to God himself. I love President Trump with all my heart and soul and would gladly take a Juggalo bullet for him. Just the other day I was in the rest room with President Trump and he turned to talk to me and accidentally got a little pee on me. It felt electric like it was holy water pee or something. I swear I felt like I had been peed on by Jesus himself. I took those pants home and hung them on my wall. I will keep them and love them forever.”

Scaramucci said the festival, which was planned to take place next weekend would be banned until further notice per federal law.

“Stuttering Ray” Blowchunks (real name unknown), spokesman for the Juggalos For Allah said the charges were ridiculous and his group planned no terrorist activity at the festival or at any other time.

“This is so whack bro.,” Blowchunks said, “All we want to do is come together with our Fam, listen to some jam, drink some Fargo, and look at them pretty t*ttys on them lettes. I don’t even care if the cancel the music as long as I can get high and scope them t*ttys.”

Insane Clown Posse sued the FBI in 2014 for designating it’s fans as terrorists and denies any terrorist activity at their concerts.

Joseph Bruce known by his stage name Violent J, ICP founder and professional wrestler said their fans are misunderstood and not terrorists.

“Many people view Juggalos as nonconformists,” Bruce said, “because of their musical tastes, their practice of painting their faces to look like clowns, and the distinctive Juggalo symbols including the ‘hatchetman’ logo. Yet when Juggalos come together at concerts or their annual week-long gathering every summer, they know that they are in a community where all people are equal and where they will be accepted and respected for who they are. We are trying to get this overturned but if we can’t there will be no refunds. Our ninjas understand when we get paid that’s our money. We ain’t giving it back. I know the fam is probably mad but we paid ninjas, so suck it.”

Insane Clown Posse lawyers have filed an injunction which should be ruled upon by next week.

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BARRON TRUMP SEEN INHALING DRUGS

BREAKING: Barron Trump inhaling drugs, presumably cocaine. He has shown other symptoms that indicate this, especially hyperactivity. His father had this to say: “My son is no drug fiend. He has the BEST health care”. More as details come in.

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BREAKING: JOHN McCAIN DIAGNOSED WITH BRAIN CANCER

Sen. John McCain was diagnosed with a brain tumor following an earlier craniotomy to remove a blood clot from above his left eye, the Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix said on Wednesday.

The hospital’s examination of the tissue revealed that a primary brain tumor, know as a glioblastoma, was associated with the blood clot.

McCain and his family are reviewing further treatment options, which may include a combination of chemotherapy and radiation.

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BARRON TRUMP TO ATTEND SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOL IN THE FALL

Charles Krauthammer blasted President Trump for “abusing” his son Barron Trump with “all the lies and drama taking place at The White House.”

Sources close to the Trump family have confirmed that Baron Trump will be attending The Kingsbury Center in Washington DC come September.

The Kingsbury Center provides a transformative educational and social experience for children and adults with learning differences.The school offers speech therapy, occupational/physical therapy, and psychological services to any student who needs them and believes that when teachers and therapists modify their instructional methods based on a student’s need, the student will thrive and grow.

Barron’s doctors have been concerned the boy has been suffering from symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and possibly Attention Deficit Disorder since Trump took office in January.

Krauthammer blames the President for causing his son anxiety and believes the child should be made a ward of the state.

“President Trump is a historic epic failure of a man and his son is paying the price for it,” Krauthammer said.

Barron, 11, is President Donald Trump’s fifth child and only offspring with third wife, Melania Trump.Melania has said he really takes after Donald, perhaps even more than his grown-up children in that he likes to play golf and watch television most of the day.

Barron has reportedly been suffering severe depression since he saw an image of his father’s decapitated head being held by liberal comedian and former CNN host Kathy Griffin.

President Trump blasted Griffin for posing with the head, saying, Barron was having a hard time dealing with it.

Griffin has apologized.

White House spokesmen scoffed at Krauthammer’s charges and said it would not allow Barron or the First Lady to be interviewed by Child Protective Services now or at any time in the future.

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