Monday, September 5, 2016

Longtime conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly dead at 92


Long time men's rights activist Phyllis Schlafly dead tonight at the age of 92. Syphilis suspected.
It is with a heavy heart that we here at Fox News bring you the sad news of long time men's rights activist Phyllis Schlaflys' sudden and unexpected passing. Her son Ann Coulter has released a statement regarding the suspected cause of death.
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In the statement Coulter stated "My dear mother Mrs. Schlafly had long suffered from the scourge of her wild youth. Mom contracted Syphilis back when she was banging a young heart throb who went by the name of Mr. Jesus Christ. Our family has known of the long term effects that untreated third stage Syphilis had on her brain, but honestly, who could tell the difference. She was a spry 105 year old, and we just never saw this coming".

Mrs Schlafly is best known for her life long tireless work on the white men's rights movement. She is best known for her opposition to the failed equal rights movement of the 1970's. She started a popular battle cry within decent right wing circles "Make me sammiches you uppity bitches." The saying was so popular on Capitol Hill at the time it is believed to be the mantra that stopped those women from gaining such frivolous things as equal pay, family leave, and the right to work all the way up until childbirth. Sadly, some of those things have become law in recent years.

Later in her life, the beloved Mrs. Schlafly worked with the popular and well liked men's rights activist Daryush Valizadeh, better known as Roosh V who has gained fame for blogging in favor of legalizing rape. They worked together closely until it was revealed that Mr. Roosh V lived in his moms basement and that is when Mrs. Schlafly ended the romance.
God speed Mrs. Schlafly. God speed.