Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Trump Just Announced Possible Cabinet Members That Will Make Liberals Cringe

In a stunning announcement earlier today, Donald Trump announced his top pick for V.P. “I make no qualms about it. There’s only one person for this job and that person is T.V. personality Amarosa”. Trump went on to say, “Amarosa has proven herself tough, smart, and possibly the biggest bitch in the entire country. She could possibly be a bigger bitch than ex V.P. Dick Cheney. I mean, who else gets to shoot someone in the face and not only get away with it, but gets an apology from the loser you shot”? Trump later stated that he is confident that Amarosa will play just as dirty as V.P. as she did on the popular television reality show The Apprentice.

Trump later boasted that he would have many other governmental appointments that would shake up Washington. "For starters, I’m going to appoint Dr. Oz for Surgeon General. I mean, that guy is successful. He’s a shitty doctor that’s managed to turn his floundering practice into a multi million dollar empire hawking everything from diet pills to, um, well, diet pills. We need that kind of brilliance in Washington".

Mr. Trump hinted at some other governmental appointments that are on his short list. “I can’t think of anyone that would make a better head of Health and Human Services than our very own Honey Boo Boo. She might be a little bit young, but she’ll always have Mama June right there by her side as her closest adviser”. When an audience member asked about the mental stability of Mama June Trump replied that he was sure that her father figure Mr. Sugar Bear would be a stabilizing factor in the family and the Department of Health and Human Services. Trump supporters proceeded to beat the audience member who asked the question into what was described as a bloody pulp.

Trump also promised to appoint Bristol Palin as the head of the Department of Education. “Bristol Palin has proven to be almost as smart as her mother Sara, and she was fabulous on Dancing With The Stars”. Trump continued by saying, "Anyone who can have two bastard babies with two different baby daddies, while giving speeches on abstinence only education while practicing for Dancing With The Stars has already proven that she can take a hell of heavy load. I’m confident that she can handle anything that gets thrown her way”.

Some insiders are speculating that some of his other picks might include Snoop Dog as the head of the Department of Agriculture, Gary Buesy as the head of Homeland Security, and Chumley of the popular Pawn Stars reality show for the head of The Department of Science and Technology.