Op-Ed by Sean Hannity
Rarely is a reporter happy about reporting a story involving a colleague. This is one of those stories that I wish I hadn't been tasked with. But I'm here to report the facts, and let you decide.
As many of you may already know, our friend and colleague Andrea Toronto has recently been suspended from Fox News. There have been several incidents here in the newsroom restrooms that we had hoped to keep within the Fox family. Sadly these incidents have taken a turn for the worst, and our public deserves to know the truth.
For several years now, ace reporter Andrea Toledo has been held in the highest regard here at Fox News. To all of our shock and astonishment, we have discovered that Ms Tostada is in reality, a man with a big fat one. I mean really really big compared to mine. That thing could kill goats. I mean, it's gargantuan.
Fox News discovered this contractual breech only after our own Stacy Dash crawled underneath the women's room partition to find some Oxycontin pills she dropped and was unpleasantly surprised by a male penis the size of a Polish sausage.With red bumps all over it. After Ms. Dash identified the penis as belonging to Andreas Tacos, she tested it out just to make sure it was actually a huge penis. After Ms. Dash "blew her load" all over Ms. Tantaros enormous "yo moms dildo", she turned our colleague, Ms. Texas into the Family Research Council's Potty Patrol Task Force .
At this point, we here at Fox News are just happy that they both finished at about the same time.We have nothing against Transsecular people here.We just don't need them peeing anywhere near us.