Tuesday, February 2, 2016


According to legend, if the Groundhog on Donald J. Trump's head sees his shadow on Feb. 2, the scared groundhog returns to his burrow and the USA is in store for six more weeks of winter and boring speeches by Jeb Bush. But, if he doesn’t see his shadow, the country can expect warmer temperatures and an early spring.

Putzatwanny Twat,Trump's pet and Climate Change advisor emerged from it's den in The Donald's Hairpiece this morning and saw his shadow,indicating cooler temperatures this Spring.

Trump still reeling over an Iowa Caucus loos to Senator Ted Cruz was reportedly humbled by the whole affair.

"I am honored to have this brilliant rodent living on top of my head.",Trump told Fox News Ainsley Earhardt in a Hot Tub interview at Trump Tower New York, "I have a great relationship with the gophers,I love the gophers and they love me.It's great."

Cruz still celebrating his Iowa victory by slamming Trump,saying Weather prediction should not be left up to animals but to science.

"I have weather man friends",Cruz told an Iowa audience,"They assure me that superstition is no substitute in science for prayer and the love of Jesus Christ."

Dr. Ben Carson refuses to celebrate The Groundhog Day holiday citing personal reasons.

"I don't like them groundhogs and rats and things.",Carson said,"One time I went camping and had to take a number 2,one of them rats came up and tried to crawl up my poop hole.They scare me."

U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders railed on the holiday charging that Groundhog Day had been taken over completely by Wall Street and the big banks.

"I promise if I am elected President,every American will be able to enjoy the promise of a free education,a decent wage,and a rodent living on top of their head to help predict the weather.",Sanders told supporters Monday.

The candidates will now prepare for The New Hampshire Primary.It is unclear if any rodents will be involved.